Just thirteen more days and its Christmas! I must confess, it’s really not feeling like Christmas this year. Well, half of me is in the Christmas spirit, and the other half is just in the “bleh” mode. It’s been a busy week.. so that’s probably the explanation of it all. Jerry started with a new company today, Dad had three doctor appointments this week, and Sydni had one earlier this week.
Dad goes on Monday to have surgery for the Chemo port placement. After he has the surgery, he can start Chemo within two days after it has been placed – they’re really wanting him to start Chemo before Christmas. He’ll start Radiation on December 29th. He’s nervous, I’m nervous. To be truthful, the only way I’ve dealt with this whole thing is pretty much by pushing it away and acting like this was happening to someone else other than my dad. It didn’t hit me until today that this is happening to my daddy, not truthfully.
I’ve been having issues finding someone who will willingly watch the kids – my grandmother was watching the children but in her mind I’m putting the kids “last” and my father first. It really kills me every time she tells me this – because I would never put my children last. She started today saying that because I had to reschedule Landon’s 18 month appointment (they weren’t able to work Landon in around the time I asked for and since Dad’s CT / Radiation Stimulation was pretty important..I had to push Landon’s appointment off until next week). I’m always criticized, but today was just “not the day” I guess. I took both children with me to Dad’s doctor appointment. Thankfully his appointment happened to be during their Christmas party and the office was technically closed, so the children didn’t have to see anything “scary” (ie: sick people). After the nurse brought dad back, showed me the “mask” they made for his face (so that they know exactly where to administer the radiation – it’s kind of cool, it helps him not move during the 10 minutes it’ll be administered..and hey..it fits his head only), we were talking about the radiation again. She gave me/us the appointment… and I was honestly fine at first..
Then, we put the children in the car…and dad and I were having issues getting the double stroller taken down. It really hit me when I was about ready to throw the stroller across the parking lot (I have no patience). I started crying. Dad thought it was over the stroller – and after we finally got the stroller taken down (yes, I was still crying) and we got inside the car… I explained to him why I was crying.
Daddy took my hand and just reminded me what I’ve been telling him – We will get through this together – our whole family will get through this together. He assured me he has been very thankful for all of my help the past couple weeks – despite certain family members’ judgments and opinions. He reassured me I’m doing the best I can do and I’m doing a really good job at it.
Picked Jerry up from work about an hour later – he had a great day at the new company he went started at today. By the way, I’m very happy he has started here. It’s just better for our family all around – he’ll be working nights but he’ll be home during the day. If I manage to get the appointments for Dad set up just right – he’ll be able to stay awake through them so he can watch the kids for me while I’m with dad. That will help me out tremendously. I’m just glad to see him actually happy after coming home for the first time in a long time – not just because he’s coming home either.
Once we got home, we decorated the tree (we had to make two more trips to the dollar store – we ran out of lights and then we ran out of garland!!) We’ll finish decorating it tomorrow morning 😀
What are you doing for this holiday season?!